apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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