Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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