girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
