Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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