No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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