hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
