It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
