ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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