i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
