I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
