My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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