How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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