I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
