Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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