Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
