she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
