Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
