No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
