So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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