From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
