She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
