dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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