Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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