i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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