omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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