He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
