Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
