wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
