dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
