you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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