They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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