you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
