That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
