He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
