the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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