I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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