he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
