im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
