If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
