She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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