you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
