I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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