Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
