honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
