Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
