my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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