Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
