Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
