??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
