He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
