I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
